Thursday, December 25, 2008

christmas brings many feelings, joy of course, praise of God and his son, tired from waking up so early, bummed when it is over, and this year for me sadness because i realized life may tease you a little bit but it never really gets any better. oh yeah sure a second or two then it is back to the storm of crap. people who you think have changed just come home and treat you like junk, people you truely care about and maybe even love have to leave, big surprise there emma has another peson in her life leave, not. i guess if i would just get smart i might understand that life is hard and it never gets easy just different. so i guess in all this ranting i have learned something valuable. hey even if nothing else i got that for christmas. peace out im done here

Friday, December 19, 2008

the dentist. a seemingly harmless place right? heck no! this morning i was blessed with the wonderful oportunity to escort three very tired ( 8 in the morning) and grumpy siblings to the dentist. school was canceled in anticipation for bad weather, which is now here, but the kids still had to go to their appointment for teeth cleanings. so into the car, well truck wee went, surprisingly with very little fighting or violence. down the road we drove. i tried my danrdest to not let exhaustion from no sleep and little relaxing take over me. our arrival time wass about 15 minutes early but no big deal right? wrong apparently doors cant be opened at his dentist until exactly eight. ugh, this is where it all plummeted downhill. we sat in the hall just inside the first door waiting for them to open the main door for 15 minutes and i guess kids hate being tired, cold, and going to the dentist becausse they were so loud frustrating, annoying, rude, and many other words i choose not to publish. the oldest one, who i thought would be best behaved was annoyed with every thing, noise, movement that anybody made. stop it, shut up, get away, knock it off, just a little sample of what i heard, lucky me. then we got in the main door but before i could even feel my fingers there was a fight over seats, who stole whose, who was where first, and randomly who had the worst morning breath ( they just didnt know they all stunk). sawyer the eight year old was pulled to the toys, army men, dragons, star wars ships, and he started playing, but not quietly not even close to quietly, he was making even gun sound known to man, and dying sounds, smashing sounds, and flying the ships around the office. which normally could be cute but it was too early and i had been up wit him till 11 and fell asleep in his bed till 1:30 then got up to mop before the kids got up and i had to space. now i know how mom feels, i love u mom more than u could ever know. so as i was saying well i guess as i was complaining, sawyer was loud levi was annoyed with sawyer and phoebe was.... wow i guess she was good thankks beef. then a sign that god is up there and does love me, the assistant asked for levi to go back. now dont get me wrong i love my brothers and sisters but he was just making my life and that morning miserable beyond words. so i was excited i thought isnce they all had an apt. for 8 that they would all go back at 8, but i guess statan exists too and he wanted me to be mad as all get out so they did not come for the other two until a half hour later. and let me tell ya that half hour was 2 hours long in my head. sawyer was running around, phoebe was talking to me and her morning breath was making me sick, and when i told sawyer to sit me acted like i was half inch tall and just looked back at his game. them levi was sent back to me, how blessed am i? he was in an even worse mood becasue he said the lady made his gums bleed like 3 times. then sawyer was called for and the room got significantly quieter. ha oh sawyer is such a typical boy i love it. so now i was thinking drat im gonna have to wait for them to take them back one at a time, and that i was not ok with, so i got up to tell them that. just as i stood the lady came for phoebe and i sat back sown, major argument avoided right then. then it was only levi and me, but dont worry we had tof ight the whole itme because i was tellinig him to grow up and help out a little more while dad was sick and he said rude things back. people i dont like rude things, especially when they r directed to me. so i was not very nice back. so this lady pops herr head out and says she needs x rays. like im stupid and she can just tell me then charge my parents an arm and leg. how annoying can one day be really? so i said to her ok but does she really need them because i know she gets the at the orthodontist and she went there yesterday. she said well wee need current ones on file. what a load of junk, she really ecpects me to fall for that load of crap. not today lady im too far into being a jerk this morning i might as well just offend you too. so no was my resounding response. she hates me now but really just put ur name on the ever expanding list lady. so the kids got done sawyer came out with a roar and i set up next times apointments for three of the 4 kids still at home. levi was trusted witht the keys to start the truck so it would get warm, and he took phoebe and sawyer with him. then not even 2 minutes later he was back and complaining how the kids were annoying, which was exactly what i was thinking too. i looked at him with stress, distain, and so much anger he just knew i was fuming inside. he blurted out, they were annoyiong me and teasing me about my cavity. i didnt even say anything until we walked out to the truck, then i let him know that he was simply acting like a 2 year old and he needed to stop. he threw a fit and got out of the car just after a comment of some kind about not riding with me. well hate to tell u this but i am your only hope here buddy so jump back in and we can go home and fight there. this was my sweet reply. so then we cruised down the road covered in ice and snow with our hearts feeling a little cold as well. i guess thats how life is some days, but the good news is the fun, dancing, singing, messing around, cooking, laughing day we had later and all went to bed with smiles and defrosted hearts.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

it was hard to hide the fact that i was trying with all my strength and talent, or lack thereof, but i knew if i was going to win any points on this game i had to be confident and just keep it cool. keep it cool yeah right i have never been able to keep it cool, i had never even wanted to try God gave me emotions so i could express them and a competative raquetball game was the perfect time to do so. the serves were the easy part, my greatest skill set on the court, but the harsh long shots off the bak wall were kicking my butt and my worthy oponent was loving it i could see it in her stupid grin. if i could just keep the ball above or just past the service line i could rack up points enough for a sweet win, but it seemed every shot was so far back and i had yet to master the off the back wall before it hits floor a second time, launch it to front wall shot. bad words seeped into my mind like that old movie the blob, stupid movie the way so opposite of creative, i just wanted to scream or swear, which is out of character, but i was so consumed with a will and desire beyond all desires to dominate the game and walk home victorious that i had to get tough, mean, and downright nasty. well i guess i didnt have to but i most certainly did. i fell silent and focused my sight, power, mind, and raquet at the front wall awaiting the serve. the ball fell, hit, flew back toward the far left of me, wacked the back wall. at this moment i wiuld bet my life that time slowed down and i was moving too fast for natural eyes to see but all i know is i swung like i had never swung before isnce 6 months ago when i took this game up and the ball went hyper speed into the back wall, then soared with perfect aim to the frint wall, left corner. the hit was the single most amazing, proud, unbelievable, but so awesome i had to scream monent i had ever experienced. then the reality set in, the hit had been returned and i was up, had to hit a shallow above the service line, across the entire court ball. my legs flung me forward and i simply threw my entire body ahead and unto the ground hitting the ball into the left corner again and killing it before my opponent could even think about returning it. then unfortunately i hit the ground, the hard wooden court smacked my face as hard as my off the back wall hit had taken the ball my face was plastered onto the court lines, my arms tangled around the raquet, and my legs, well in all honestly i dont know what the landed like but it hurt. the dull, throbbing set in fairly quick, but no mortal inconveniance could have ruined that joyous moment for me. i felt like i could fly, and i did fly right into the face my saddened opponent who had just lost a sweet volley and the point. too bad for you loser sorry about the upset but better luck next time. all in good fun i promise because we just laughed it off and walked home together, since we were afterall roommates. but i have to admit i stayed up for a while worried that she might take her revenge while i slept.

p.s. no such attempt was made

Thursday, December 11, 2008

why i painted my wall

i was cleaning my apartment and a candle from a hot candle warmer fell on me, covered my arm, carpet, and wall with red wax!!!!!!! im pretty sure my arm isnt burnt just a little splotchy, and i just painted the wall, dont tell my apt. manager. and used an iron and paper towels for the carpet. so not the best day but its ok because i got it resolved. lesson learned, candles are evil!
now it is time to tell everyone how much i love getting done with a semester of school. i love this day more than steak, vanilla coke, and most of the people i have met. get over it. christmas break rocks because here is no looming feeling of homework or studying because next semester isnt started. plus going home and not paying rent or buying food makes me happy beyond words.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I remember as a child running around at break of night to catch and hold the natural wondrous fireflies. I remember the amazement I felt when we caught first glimpse of their light. I knew they would be simple to get but still experienced a surge of nervous adrenaline at the thought of at least clasping one between my loosely clenched fingers. I wanted to be the first to get one; I did not want to see the baby stars in the hands of any other before I had the chance to hold one. I sprinted ahead I swiped my hands around frantically trying to accomplish my goal. I ran here then there threw my hand up, brought them down, look, and let out a sigh, I hadn’t been successful at all. Then the nightmare was realized, my brother or sister or cousin etc would shout, “I got one!” I was not happy I was not even mad I was beyond anger I was dark green with the jealousy that had instantly taken over all my body. I stomped off to vent to my mom. It’s not fair, ugh; I wanted to be first, as you can tell I was a real firecracker as a child. She would ignore me for a while then turn to say, “Emma, if you would be quiet and slow down the fireflies will come to you and catching them will be easy,” A good mom right? I of course took her advice, I always did. I picked my spot like it was my new home, stood still, calmed my heart rate, and waited the hardest thing for me to do. Then when it seemed like I would never get one and everybody else had my luck would reverse my dream of the moment would come true and one little bug would make me the happiest kid in the world. Slowly but not too slow I would wrap my hand around the glowing little buddy and “MOM, YOU WERE RIGHT I GOT ONE!!!!” My joy was of course uncontainable and soon the whole firefly catching party was crowding around to look at my firefly because as I had yelled out to them all it was the brightest one ever.
I read this poem(one by robert frost called fireflies look it up) and simply fell in love because all at once those childish dreams and realization of them came like flood waters into my mind. I remembered the night air, the sounds of crickets, frogs, owls, and the voice of my mother calming my rowdy spirits so I could get what I wanted, the glow of the bugs, my little legs racing frantically to be the first and best catcher. I love these feelings, I love the sounds, the state of mind I was in then when I could just wonder and not worry about why they are as they are just look in astonishment and know it was fun, and that fun was all that mattered when I was a younger me.
A short story of courage and climbing
We ascended the mountain slowly due to the sand trails that some profoundly stupid man had put there. Soon I was not in even a remotely good mood and the weeds as thick as cold butter looked easier to traverse than this idiotic path. I forged my way through the tumble weed and pathetic little trees and stopped, looked up, and assessed how I would even begin to climb the huge rock formations before me. So as I could think of nothing else I just placed my hands on some crevices I could reach, and launched my legs up, “crap, I missed and only managed to whack my knee on what i am sure was the hardest rock ever!" “Second time, ok here we go. YES!” this time I was able to get to the platform like place farther up on the rock. This process was not easy every, but I got more and more accustomed to it and getting up and over those gigantic boulders and cliffs.
The top, the end, the last stop, looking down I knew why I had agreed to take on this mountain in the first place, it was beyond beautiful, sad excuses for words created by us humans could never hope to put letters and phonetics to the feelings felt when such beauty is found in nature. From this top point we trekked horizontally around the edges to the other cliff points. Way before I was ready to, my roommate was complaining and wanted to return to the modern comfort of a car and heated rooms with a nice cup of hot chocolate. I quickly turned to my more adventurous friend and proposed the awesome idea of going straight down, and I mean down. She of course concurred that it was the coolest idea since five dollar pizza and we looked, thought, ok so we didn’t think that much, and went down. In the beginning they say god created the heaven and the earth but as far as I was concerned he had only created these dumb rocks that kept crumbling every time I even looked at them. Then without any warning at all the rocky terrain morphed into sandy hills we had no choice but to slide down at a rapid pace. Run, slide, run, slide, fall, ugh this part as I recall was not anywhere close to the outer boundary of fun. Just as I was growing accustomed to scraping off layers of skin with every fall the devil sand was gone and we were staring down into the abyss that filled the large crevice below us. By this time I was in the rustic take on anything mood and was thrilled at the opportunity to leap down and navigate our way through this dead river bed. So after one anything but graceful jump down we were working our way through rooms and halls of rock. “snort.” I turn, what could have possessed my friend, Alayna, to exhaust such a hoggish sound? I was … oh quite frankly no words but the forward truth could possibly tell you what I was, it was a pig, well a wild boar of sorts actually. It had back poor Alayna into a rocky corner and she was displaying a face of mixed anger, for me walking ahead, fear, of dying of course, and wonder at the sight of such an animal on this supposedly serene day hike. I hugged the pig!! “wait what oh man what was I thinking, that’s right I wasn’t, without using my brain at all I launched myself onto the back of the hog and threw it backwards causing us both to fall, me and the pig, then before the ugly thing could regain its position and attack again I Chuck Norrised its nose and pushed the nasty snout into its wimpy brain. Death took over the boar’s body and the scent of rank rancid flesh soon followed. We naturally carried the carcass down with us for supper and proof of our heroic feat. While walking we talked about the awesome events past and how thoroughly excited we were to show off the prize we had won. Whoosh out of nowhere bounded what I can only assume was the king of the surrounding jungle. (A lion for you phrase knowing challenged) far before any action could be taken on my part I was knocked unconscious. The following events are courtesy of Alayna. The lion flung itself toward her but was hauled suddenly paralyzed by fear of the approaching giant ants. There surely measures two feet long by one foot tall. That’s right, believe it folks! The ants lifted us up and carried both into their crawling home. I just laid there in the creepy city of bugs and dreamed of everything but ants. At this moment Alayna was filled with a burst of courage and she hoisted up my almost lifeless body ran frantically out of the ant mound. She ran as fast as she could with my body weighing her down and just as the fate of us both was to be sealed by the again approaching lion I raised my head that fell on her back, leaped our of her arms and wrestled with the monstrous cat. The fight was not fair; it resembled Muhammad Ali vs. Steve Earkel. I had my left arm torn off in one shark swing of the claw, and then Alayna barged into the tussle with a sharpened stick and plunged it into the beating heart of my opponent. The lion was done, its life faded fast before our eyes. Then with its last pathetic burst of energy it swung and took out the eye of Alayna. So now blinded and one limb short of a set we looked at each other and knew between us both with no words that all we could do was pray to the almighty Lord for healing of our broken bodies. I don’t know why or how but we opened our eyes after the process and found ourselves to be whole as we were when the mountain adventure had first begun. With newly gained strength and gusto we ran to the road where the car had idly sat for 3 hours. Along the road however we were met with three solid feet of piercing tumble weed. We kept trekking, worked our way through and kicked aside the snakes we met along the way, they were nothing compared to the lion and boar. “ROAD, SWEET ROAD, IVE NEVER BEEN SO PROFOUNDLY HAPPY TO SEE PAVEMENT!” The ride home was filled with questions and explanations. Although only few believe our tale Alayna and I both know the mountain story and will never deny our miraculous adventure.